Unlike other children of divorce, my Christmases as a child were never really affected by the fact that my parents weren’t married anymore. When they first got divorced, they ended up living across the street from each other, so instead of me having to make difficult decisions, I ended up getting to have two Christmases instead. This, I am convinced, might just be eleven-year-old Heaven.
Things got trickier when I got older, but still managable. My mom doesn’t have any family in the area, but my father does, so I ended up there by default. Even after I moved to Pennsylvania from New Jersey, this never caused a problem as my mom would just pick me up from my cousin’s house (who was also in New Jersey) after Christmas dinner when I was younger; when I was older, I’d drive myself.
My father made it very clear when we moved to PA that Christmas Eve would always be at his house. This was mostly in response to actions by my step-brother, but also partly because my dad wanted to build a sense of tradition. So, every year for about sixteen years, my step-mother has made Christmas Eve dinner at their house (which for many of those years was also my house).
Then came The Unpleasantness ™. I’m not going to go what was involved with The Unpleasantness ™ because this isn’t really the place to air other people’s business (that’s what LiveJournal’s for), but suffice it to say that my father and step-mother have had a disagreement and while it has nothing to do with me, and they’re not getting divorced (as far as I know), the fallout is that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.
(I know what you’re thinking–”but, Amadei, if it doesn’t have anything to do with you, why doesn’t she want to see you?” It’s weird, yet true. I can actually say I had no hand in any of the events that went down, even from two states away.)
The fallout also includes me being at a bit of a loss for what I’m doing for Christmas Eve for the first time in…well…almost ever. Certainly the first time in my adult life.
It’s an odd sensation when a tradition goes awry.
It’s an odder sensation when I realized that this must be what Christmases are usually like for children of divorce–the not knowing what’s going to change and what’s going to stay the same. I didn’t go through any familial turmoil when I was eleven, but apparently I’m going to go through it at twenty-seven.
So far, it seems the biggest change will be that it will probably just be me and my daddy having dinner somewhere and the chance that I will have to go to midnight mass is quite slim.
But I’m okay with that. Happy holidays, one and all.
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